I may work a 9-6 job, but my work starts from about 7.30 when I jump on the first of two trains to commute into London. Now that may sound a bit melodramatic, how can a train ride be equated to work? But trust me, if you commute into work than you will know exactly what I mean. From noisy eaters, to constant coughers you can be more stressed and tired before actually starting your days work, than actually doing it- and the best part is, you get to do it all again on the way home too. Yay.
Now I have only been commuting for around 6 months- I’m used to working in Kitchens where the hours were a little bit more unfavourable, but they did mean I used to miss the busy, packed commuter trains. Which I kinda miss especially as I write this on the train right now, and want to drop kick at least 3 people in the jaw- and ironically someone probably wants to do the same to me as I tap, tap, tap on my keyboard making as much noise as the people I’m complaining about. Welcome to the daily commute.
Now if you don’t commute- hold on to your socks folks, because I’m about to introduce you to 6 of the most common people that you are guaranteed to meet on every journey- and if you do commute- say hi to the regulars- I’m sure you recognise some of them more than you would like to admit. Or maybe you are one of them!! *gasp.
No matter what time of day, what time of year, what the weather outside the window is doing. There will always be someone with a cough. Now if that wasn’t annoying enough, as you try and get another hour of shut-eye before starting or ending your day (and annoying for the poor person too, because yano, they are poorly and are still having to work but I digress)- they spread. Not just the germs they are definitely dispersing around the carriage, the noise does too. Do you remember when you were in a school assembly and once when Kid started coughing, they started popping up all over the place, and then oh god no. Now you HAVE to cough too- this. It happens. It spreads. Its viral and its annoying AF.
Trains are pretty small right. You get your one seat with a pull-out table, or if you’re very lucky you get one of those 4 seats tables, and get to spend the next hour trying not to touch someone’s leg, or stop the guy next to you from drooling on your shoulder. So why do people constantly insist on bringing everything but the kitchen sink with them, I understand that you may be travelling further than just the office and hence the need for more stuff- you are let off. I’m talking about the people that are only going to the office but have like 2 coats, a scarf, hat, gloves, coffee flask, bottles of water, laptop, lunch for about 6, an umbrella even though it’s not raining, sunglasses even though it’s not sunny, make-up, a change of clothes, enough books to fill a library, and I’m pretty sure there’s a cat hidden in there somewhere. Who then have to get EVERYTHING out to find something at the bottom of their bag.. I get it. You are out your house for 12 hours plus. But you seriously need some packing light tips asap.
From the arm rest, to your leg space, to general space. Like mate, share- or move. We all have to endure this ride together, so let’s just get on and share like the good kid your parent raised is still deep down inside you somewhere, or I will stare at you the entire journey and make things ridic uncomfortable, or end up falling over if you don’t let me hold on. Do you want that on your conscious? Because believe me, if I’m going down- you are coming with me.
I hate the sound of people eating- especially when they spend the entire hours journey stuffing their face or have chosen the most weirdest, hardest or smelliest foods to eat on a train. I’m talking- I have seen a guy eat 6 packets of crisps in one journey- legit made me want to vom a little, now I’m not one to judge someone else’s breakfast choices, but I’m pretty sure by the end of it, I hated him more than his cholesterol did as crumbs flew around everywhere and the sound of his crunch got louder with every bite- and mate, the evening choices get worse. 99% of a train on the way home is shoving as much food in their mouth holes as possible like there’s a time limit or shortage. The mixture of MacyD’s Sushi, Doritos and left over lunch sandwiches is enough to make you want to give up your job altogether.
The over-the-top Noise- Makers:
Noise is going to be inevitable, you’re on a train with hundreds of other people. You would be naïve to think that you can get through a journey without in-depth picturing how you would murder someone if it wasn’t yano frowned upon, or illegal. But it’s not noise that’s my problem. It’s the noise that is completely unnecessary. Music too loud for their headphones, or no headphones at all. Talking on the phone for an entire journey- no one cares about your life that much- you’re not a Kardashian. (also legit hate myself for that comparison, I’m not even sure who they are myself but Twitter seems to care a lot about them- and I’m tired and stressed okay?!) and don’t even get me started when there are kids on a commuter train moaning that they haven’t got a seat or they are hungry. You are young- your legs can withstand standing for a little bit longer, wait until you get to my age and then you can complain. And I’m pretty sure if you rummage around on the floor, crisp guy left more over the carriage than he did his mouth.
The ‘Deodrant is classed as a shower’ right?:
If having to deal with noise wasn’t bad enough- we still have to endure another one of our senses being completely violated. You are sharing an intimate space with strangers for a period of time, so maybe wash your intimates once in a while. Deodrant and lashings of perfume do not cover the vile smile of your sweat glands- I repeat, they do not count. Do us all a favour and show some water and soap to that skin once in a while and respect your fellow commuters noses and gag refluxes.
Am I right?!