It’s taken me a lot of time, wondering ‘if I should even bother’ and bravery to be able to physically sit down and write this post. Ironically the time I choose to start it is while I’m waiting for a rather scary hospital appointment at King’s College in London – I’m not sure why I needed to tell you exactly where the appointment was, but I guess it’s my subconscious procrastinating. Because just like being at this appointment, I’m scared.
Scared to write this post.
But that’s the funny thing about being thrown into a scary situation isn’t it? Our bodies go one of two ways. We either fight, or flight, and for a long time – I’ve ran, and hid, and buried myself – anything to get away from actually blogging, because I was just that… scared. And it’s only until I was faced with an even scarier situation I realised how small this one was and it was time to address it and talk about why I let my blog down this year.
I got lazy. I’ll be the first to put my hands up and say that. I got fed up – with all the bitchin’ and all the drama, but ultimately and more importantly, I got scared. Scared I wasn’t good enough, scared I wasn’t progressing quickly enough, scared no-one cared what I was writing and scared that people would find out that I was a fraud.
I’ve been blogging for over three years, and I’m still no further than where I was a year ago.
My camera skills are still non-existent against those who started alongside me, and are now sailing miles ahead, my writing is still the dull, grammatically wrong and lol, did she really just write lol in the middle of a sentence style and I let my fear of being a bad blogger… make me a bad blogger. I adopted the ‘let the baby cry’ and neglected my blog to the point where it was either give up, or ‘girl sit your shit down and work out where you have gone wrong, assess what you need to do to improve and realise how far you have actually come.
Stop comparing yourself against other people and remember why you do what you do.
Okay, so my photo’s may be composed wrong and might not get as many likes as the blog next door and my spelling may be a little off and the words in the wrong place, and I may not have the chance to blog 24/7 because work and life get in the way – but that’s okay.
For too long I’ve been saying to myself, ‘because I can’t give it my all, it’s never going to be the best it can be OR get anywhere, so why bother?!’ but it’s time I start saying ‘let’s just make every small chance I can, be the best. Let’s focus on the quality of my content rather than the quantity’, because being a blogger has hands down been one of the best things I have ever done, and I’m not ready to let this years downfall be my blogs overall failure.
I’m not a photographer – I’m a blogger.
I’m not a writer – I’m a blogger.
I’m not a superhero – I’m a blogger.
I’m not super rich, beautiful, popular, or even interesting for that matter – but I am a person, that has a voice and wants it to be heard. And I know I can be the best damn blogger I can be, if I just stop letting fear from ruling my site.