I saw something the other day that shocked me back to reality – I had been living in limbo for so long without even realising, and it’s only now I can look back on it and realise how I got into that position and understand why I was so blind for so long.
I knew I was stuck, but I couldn’t work out how to get out of that position because I didn’t know why I was there… until now.
Now I wish it was something inspirational I could send you; something you could watch or read that could help you out if you are in the same position, but it was just something so ordinary. But it was also something that literally made me stop what I was doing, think about where I was, and it completely changed my mind-set. It was like the lamest revelation but one that has worked ten times more effective than any type of inspirational book, podcast, ted talk or video I have watched, and trust me I have watched them all over the years trying to get my shit together in a variety of ways.
I’m currently obsessed with watching Nile Wilson vlogs, the ay’ up YouTube how you doin’ gymnast who has the most infectious personality, cheeky laugh and abs for days. Now, it wasn’t even his addictive attitude towards doing what you love that made its impact, it wasn’t even one of his regularly featured passionate and albeit slightly competitive and challenging team mates – it was in-fact a cameo of someone I had never heard off, for a split 60 seconds, who quoted rather heartfelt that there is a huge difference between not being able to do something, and not wanting to do it. He went on to discuss that people need to stop using the excuse of I can’t for (enter something relevant to your goal/life here) purely because you don’t want to – and I realised at that moment, that I had been blaming X, Y, Z (mainly my hand for the last few months and its 7 week infection, love you boo) as an excuse for ‘I can’t do this, or I can’t do that’ because of my injury– when in reality, my hand wasn’t stopping me, my mind was!
This one simple notion which I could have quite quickly glazed over, sunk its way deep into my bones and unearthed a dark secret that for the last few months I have been letting my excuses get the better of me. I was an excuse-a-holic. It was an easy escape. I could get out of doing things I didn’t want to and more releavent the things I thought I would fail at. I had a get-out-of-free-jail-card, but the only person I was cheating in reality was myself.
But how did I get there?
My path has changed more times than I can count and I got fixated on those gals and guys who look like they have their shit together, they know their niche and their place at the table and here I am, just turned 25 and I am so far away from the goal I set myself when I was a little girl. That place in limbo, I was in… was in-fact my bodies way of mourning for the person I thought I was going to be when I grew up. My mind was grieving for the path I lost under the stress and reality of real-life, and I needed that time to reflect in order to pick myself up, dust myself off and rise again as this brand-new person.
Realising that it’s okay to change who you are, to change your path and your decisions and to experience the world for what it is and not the guidelines you or anyone else set out for you prior is the biggest relief you can ever have. So it’s goodbye to all the excuses I now no longer have to hide behind, because it’s okay to not know, it’s okay to fail and it’s okay to welcome new challenges.